Care News

When Two Become One and One Remains

28th September 2026

Sue Pickles is a dear friend of Anglicare. Six years ago she lost her husband and navigated deep grief. We invited her to share about that season and how she experienced grace and recovered the zest for life others see in her now.

Sue, when your spouse Peter passed away, what did grief feel like in those first days and months?

Everyone’s journey through grief is different. I have heard someone describe the loss of a loved one like a shipwreck, with memories floating around everywhere. In those first months, all you can do is stay afloat and stay alive. I could relate to this image. I missed Peter and his hugs terribly. The waves of grief kept crashing – high, relentless and unpredictable. They never completely disappear, and somehow you don’t want them to. Over time though, they become less intense, less frequent and more manageable. One of the hardest things was coming to terms with the loss of part of my identity and the loneliness that followed.

Has the experience of loss changed the way you pray and relate to God?

I have learned to accept being alone as part of a pilgrimage where God becomes my very present help. Then, not only to accept it, but to offer it to God – much like the little boy who placed his lunch into Jesus’ hands. I learnt that from Elisabeth Elliot. I wanted to give God what I had. I also wanted to help ease the burden others were carrying.

Were there times when God felt distant or silent?

There was never a time I felt God was distant or silent. However, you can’t rush grief. It takes time, patience and intentional work. I had to learn to lean on God in a new way and trust Him to meet me in my loneliness along the way. I found great comfort in a quote by Elisabeth Elliot “Every death leads to a resurrection ... but the death of a beloved is also the lover’s death, where you become “I” not “we”. Those words captured something I was experiencing so deeply: the loss not only of the person I loved, but also of the shared life and identity we had built together over 57 years.

What helped sustain you through your grief?

I found great comfort in God’s word, the overwhelming love of my family, friends, and my prayer group and church community. I read books on grief, particularly On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross M.D. and David Kessler, and Good Grief by Granger E. Westberg. Staying active, helping others and resisting the temptation to drift into self-pity gradually brought joy back into my life and helped me not to become consumed by my own loss.

Looking back, where do you now see God’s presence or faithfulness in your journey?

I can see God’s faithfulness in the ways He carried me through days I never thought I could face. He taught me that His presence was enough, even when life felt empty and uncertain. I can also see His hand in the opportunities He gave me to encourage others and serve with what I have. What began as my own grief became a way of walking alongside people in their grief or difficult situations with compassion. God does not waste our suffering. God has been faithful in every season and I want to be too. I am full of gratitude. Sometimes I am even surprised how full and meaningful my life is now. Praise the Lord!

What would you say to someone who has recently lost the person they love most?

Walk slowly. Pause often. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive quickly. Trust God for everything. Don’t try to rush the grieving process or carry it alone. Let others walk beside you, and allow Christ to meet you in your pain. Trust that even in your deepest sorrow, God is present. In time, the way will become more manageable, and you will discover that His grace is sufficient for each day.